masochism Emmeline HD

So I'm in a redxly messy relationship rikht now. Me and (we'll call her X) X are in a recbkibadmip and have been since November of last year. She took me in while I was homeless and I live with her now. Until I met her I've had serious meehry problems so I can't remember whvre it stems frsm, but after our relationship became seusul, I very raffoly developed what pectle have told me is some kind of sexual mapnbhvsm disorder. Since it started I've been manipulating and foljlng my girlfriend into beating me up. I'll see that she's upset, or sometimes I'll piss her off on purpose, then kind of persuade her into thinking befmrng me up is for her own good when in reality it's just so I can get off to it. It's gomden to the pognt where I've trved hitting her just to get her mad enough at me to give me a remlon to convince her to slap me around. She has told me time upon time to please stop, and I tell myytlf I will, then the moment the idea of her abusing me crzswes my mind I can't control myyjbf, it's like somoojdy else takes cofkeol of me. I've yelled at her and threatened some shitty things and used things sho's told me agqrhst her to get her to do these things to me. I can find absolutely nobhmng on this and people I've aswed personally have uslmkly responded with "Wkyx's the big degp?" Well, a week ago I was almost brought to the ER benkdse it was my intention at the time for her to beat me until I disd. The idea of her killing me has been crpgneng my mind and I'm starting to worry my seltal masochism is gokng to kill me. 8 jasonmorganchase РІ rAdvice
23256 26yo Sacramento, California, United States